If Only You Knew

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:55:10 GMT

So I've had pretty messed up dreams for as long as I can remember and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

For years I dreamed of my mother's ex husband and I would dream that he was trying to kill me or I'd dream of us fighting forever.

Now my dreams have shifted towards scarier things. For a while my dreams revolved around me trying to kill myself and either no one would stop me or if they did they got eaten by wolves. I've had nightmares that I watched my mother and aunt get ran over by a train or being raped by the Joker or simply being cheated on by my boyfriend.

I stopped taking my antidepressants and for a day or two I had fun dreams like fields of bunnies and stuff. Now they've shifted back to nightmares and it makes it incredibly difficult for me to stay asleep since I keep waking up and my mind seems to fight going back to sleep because it knows what's going to happen. I've been exhausted and sleep deprived for days now.

Last night I dreamed that I was so overweight I couldn't even stand on the scale without tipping over. While I was crying about my weight a lady comes over and starts yelling at me to get to work. Well I realize I have no idea what my job is or what I'm supposed to do. So I ask them to give me some sort of outline or idea of what my job is and they wouldn't. We were finally off of work when I landed in some trippy rave party thing where I started picking at my teeth until they were bleeding and my fingernails kept breaking off in my teeth.

I seriously never want to sleep again.

Swoon

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:47:36 GMT

I know this sounds retarded but I'm slightly miffed right now. I haven't been on my antidepressants for 4 days now cuz I don't wanna be on pills my whole life. So it's been kinda weird to feel emotions right now cuz they aren't fake or man made. Well long story short me and Stephen were broken up for a while and it was after he said he had doubts about us being together and working out. So I told him the only way I'd come back to him was if he wooed me somehow or swooned me with romance because I was thinking about seeing someone who was very sweet and charming and romantic. Well Stephen told me about how he'd bought me roses and was going to give them to me after buying a promise ring saying he wanted to be with me forever. I was like wow that's really romantic I'm so excited. Well we're back together now and he has yet to give me either of them and has pretty much gone back to the way things were. Well I thought it was maybe because he didn't have a lot of money and I was like aww I understand that. Well he just spend 300 dollars on speakers for his car because having only one working one was completely unacceptable. He told me he didn't have enough money for groceries or food this week and I have no gas to get anywhere and he has money to blow on car speakers. While we were broken up he told me he had nothing to do and was so miserable because there was nothing to do and now he's constantly out working on his car and waiting til it's late at night to hang out with me. I'm just like wtf irritated and I probably shouldn't be this irritated but my emotions are obnoxiously blown out of proportion right now. GRRRRR

Sometimes

Sun, 24 May 2009 08:36:50 GMT

Sometimes it seems like it'd be so much easier to just give it all up and end it all just so I'd never have to face another difficult decision in my life and hurt another person as badly as I've been hurt. Sometimes it just seems easier.

Dying

Mon, 04 May 2009 05:54:47 GMT

I'm sick with some sort of stomach flu and it's ripping me apart. I'm so sick of being sick already. I have enough stuff to deal with.

Like the fact that my bf's ex is bound and determined to get him back. She sent a long letter on myspace to him saying stuff like "why stay with her if you're so miserable" and "you told me she was controlling" and stuff like that and he says she's crazy and she's making it all up and I could see that but at the same time I never know who to trust in this world. My boyfriend at times can seem very distant and acts like he doesn't give two shits if I'm around. I know I'm probably overreacting but I'm so scared to lose a good thing. Now I'm tired of being the bigger person and keeping my mouth shut and I texted her asking her where she got all this stuff and what makes her think he's miserable and she hasn't replied which means she probably won't but I think if you're going to fuck around with somebody's life then you better be ready for some retaliation and shouldn't get scared and hide. She says this is war and I say bring it on. I just wish I could be happy for weeks at a time.

Nightmares

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:58:50 GMT

I have nightmares almost every single night and I mean the type that are so vivid and sometimes disturbing that I wake up and I feel sad most of the day because the image haunts me. I've been having a few weird ones lately that have been a little more clear then usual so it's not hard to figure out where they came from. However, in my real life I have my own nightmares to deal with. Like the fact that my level of paranoia is beginning to scare even me. I find myself completely unable to trust anyone and I make up all these crazy scenarios in my head to freak out over but not a single one of them is real. All my scenarios do is cause me to go crazy with fear and stress. I find myself accusing my boyfriend in my head all the time about stuff that I have no facts to base them on. The worst part is I'm scared of what it might drive me to do or say. My doctor thinks it stems from my depression and high anxiety problems so he wants to put me on more meds but I get so depressed over the idea of taking so many pills in the first place. I know I need them and I know they make me better but my boyfriend and his friend like to give me so much crap for them. They kept telling me to man up and I was like fine alright I'll stop taking my pills. I guess I didn't need those silly ol' birth control pills anyways. That got my point across. To people without depression it seems so silly and made up to be sad about absolutely nothing and for no reason. It happens though. I will start to imagine all the horrible ways I could kill myself so I would never have to deal with being who I am ever again. I just wish my paranoia wasn't so controlling of my life. I wish I could be normal.

Nothing in life is perfect

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:51:33 GMT

So I can always believe things are perfect but the truth is they never really are. The truth of the matter is I still have a temper. I still have my insecurities. I still have my uncertainties about the future. I don't know why but it seems to me that I sabotage all of my relationships. I end up worrying about all the bad things that could happen until I ruin the relationship and they come true. It's not fair to the ones I love that I should push them away. Part of me hopes that I can push them away and hurt them before they get a chance to hurt me. My heart is very hurt and full of sad right now because my boyfriend lied to me about some stuff and kept stuff from me. He does things without thinking and ends up looking like an ass. He doesn't understand how important communication is to me and it's slowly breaking me down. I'm not strong enough to fight anymore. I'm slowly wearing down and I need things to just go smoothly for once. My emotions are all over the place. I'm finally done with this shit I think sometimes.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:24:32 GMT

You ever feel like you just can't win? Like someone asks you to give them space and then gets depressed when you're not around. Like when you give someone your best and they're afraid you'll change even though you are completely yourself. You're supposed to trust and take risks. Well my friend made me a mixed cd of songs he listens to when he's depressed. He calls it his I hate women and I'll die alone cd and I'm listening to it right now. I'm thinking about posting a few lines from each song that are my favorite.

One day I'll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how - Caring is Creepy by The Shins

Do you really think he's coming back to you?
Oh, Once the world stops spinning, read that writing on the wall.

Oh, don't you cry
Just lie there baby in the past, Cause if you want it all right now - Feathers by Coheed and Cambria

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine - Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol

Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love - Drowning by Backstreet Boys

believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy

and i don't know, i guess
you've just been on my mind
i don't know, i guess
i think about you all the time - Hello by Schuyler Fisk

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath thats true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth - Fade Into You by Mazzy Star

my love...

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:11:25 GMT

Dear Stephen,

There's a million ways to say I love you. There are a million actions to perform to show love for someone. I probably say it enough or possibly even too much as it is but that's because it's constantly on my mind. I constantly think about how amazing my life is with you because it's something I've never felt before. I've never felt this love and happiness in my life. Before I could only paint my life with black and white because I had never felt the intensity of what you have given me. Now I feel like I can paint my life with all the colors. The brightest, the boldest, and the most amazing colors ever seen. When I see you everything else around me blacks out. All I can see is you. I just want to stare into your eyes and feel the warmth inside from the fire blazing in my heart. You are everything I could have ever wanted and more. I mean everything I say because it comes straight from my heart and I just can't hold back how I feel about you. I'm sure you get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again from me but when you're this in love with someone it consumes your mind and soul. Forever and for always for the rest of my life

<3 Jessie

Writer's Block: Comped

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 05:27:48 GMT

What's the best compliment you've ever received?

Submitted By krizzzie

View 501 Answers

I think the best compliment I've ever received was whenever people tell me that they can tell that I've lost weight. It means a lot to me cuz it shows that my hard work is actually getting me somewhere. I also enjoy when my boyfriend tells me I'm sexy. It makes me feel really really good about myself

Swing Life Away

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 07:46:33 GMT

So the past couple days I've had an awful head cold from hell. There's nothing I like to do more then eat when I'm sick. The biggest problem with that is that when I'm sick I also don't exercise so let's look at the combination shall we? Food plus no exercise plus depression equals a stuck state of mind that I'm a fat cow that will never be the skinny girl she wants to be. I used to be so motivated all the time and so energetic and now I'm lucky if I can make it out of bed to go live my life let alone get on a cardio machine for half a hour then push myself even harder after that. Plus after eating fast food again it's so hard to go back to toast, berries, and eggs for breakfast and plain this and plain that for lunch and dinner. This used to be so easy and now it's like a constant struggle and it makes me feel bad for all the people I judged saying they were stupid for not living like I did. It is hard. Granted I know I'm being lazy and I just need to change my state of mind again and stuff but it's just that. I've become lazy. Part of me is happy with my life now so I don't have that urgent need to lose weight to feel like somebody will love me. The other part of me is just like stressed out and busy and doesn't wanna take the time out of my day to work things out like I should. I know I'll be happier again when I start losing weight and I'll start to have more energy again. I feel bad for my boyfriend right now because he keeps trying to tell me I'm not fat but I know that medically yes I am considered obese and I'm content with the idea that while yes I'm fat I have the power to change that.

My plans are to start off small again and work myself back to where I was. Everyday I'm going to do at least 10 push ups, the leg exercises my trainer showed me, and hold the plank for 10-20 seconds before doing the rocking movement and I'll do two sets of those. I'll do those 3 simple exercises everyday until I start to notice them becoming easier to do and then I may add more reps and throw in another exercise or exchange one for another. I need to start keeping a food diary again because it helps me to rethink what I'm going to eat during my day if I know I'm going to have to write it down and think about how much I ate. I wanna start wearing smaller sizes and wearing cute clothes and I wanna be ready for this summer. I don't wanna have to wear a lot of clothes just to hide the fact that I'm lumpy in certain spots.

I'm tired of this battle and I just want it to be done and over with for once and for all.

What a long strange trip it's been

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:22:39 GMT

I've been seeing a counselor now for about a year and it's done amazing things for my life like teaching me to let go of my fears and to become independent and not rely on others. I also learned how to deal with my emotions and become an emotionally happy person. However, my counselor is quitting and this Wednesday will be my last session with her. I know it's not something to get upset over specially since I've come so far but I feel like I'm losing a close friend and I also feel like if things were ever to get bad again I wouldn't have someone there like I did when I went to see her. That makes me nervous because when I relapse I do it hard. I pretty much spiral down if I ever feel like I can't control what's going to happen. Lately though I feel like I'm completely in control of everything in my life so I don't think it's something I need to be too worried about.

I wanna say that I pretty much wasted the last year of my life dating a loser but he really wasn't all that bad. We just weren't right for each other and a lot of good things did come out of it so I don't regret it completely. Right now I'm dating an old friend of mine named Stephen and I'm absolutely crazy about him. Things are going really good right now. My doctor switched my meds so I'm a lot more relaxed and happy and calm about things. I don't freak out nearly as much as I used to. Without my counselor though I need a place that I can vent my problems and frustrations too and I figured having a journal again would probably be the best way to go about that. I just need a place where I can talk about small things or big things or how my week in general was. I just need to talk.

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 22:24:00 GMT

Testing something out here. I'm texting this from my phone hurray

It takes a little time sometime to get your feet back on the ground

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 16:46:31 GMT

So right now I'm in colorado basically starting my life over. For the most part it's going great. I'm getting to help my cousin take care of her baby and I love kids so much. I joined a gym and my cousin keeps me motivated to get up in the morning and go. I got a job at Echostar (Dish Network) and my starting pay was 12$ a hour and now 20 days in and I got a 36 cent raise so I'm making 12.36$ a hour answering phones and talking to people. IT ROCKS! and the people there are nice too. I get to learn more and more everyday and utilize my skills. I'm back on Ritalin to focus and stay on task at work and it's been working great. I've been doing great on tests and I understand what I'm explaining to customers. There's also a lot to do around here. so far I'd like to see Madina Lake on April 12th and Relient K/Mae/Sherwood on April 21st. and there's always Warped Tour in the summer. and I'm also finding myself becoming closer to God as my cousins introduce me to a side of God I've never seen. They've shown me what amazing things he can do and what evil demons are around us everyday. The only downside as of right now is the lack of friends I have out here which makes for a lonely time. Granted my cousin Nikki is the funnest person ever to hang out with it's just that she's got the baby and half the time we can't go anywhere cuz of him. which is understandable but I just can't understand why I can't make friends out here. People here don't jump at the chance to hang out like in Illinois. It makes for me being homesick lately but you know what can I do. I'm not gonna throw away all the good things for one thing that doesn't keep me alive. There's a lot of pain in my heart that I carried here from home and I'm struggling everyday to let go of things that still haunt me. However I'm confident that my purpose is out here.

Right now I'm reminded of the song Takes a Little Time by Amy Grant. If you don't know it I suggest you hear it especially if you're changing your life. I also like the song Show You Love by Jaci Velasquez. but yeah. that's basically how I'm doing. I'm gonna end this entry with a verse.

1 peter 4:7-11

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others faithfully administering God's grace in various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

Each of us has a gift God gave us to spread his word throughout this world. It just takes an open heart to hear what he has planned for us.

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 03:14:55 GMT

I'm 74 dollars in the hole
I'm gonna do a miserable job at work cuz I don't understand anything
I'm lonely

but God's looking out for me and I believe good things are to come

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:02:58 GMT

http://www.myspace.com/pyropixie923

that's my myspace page for anyone who has one and wants to add me or just simply wants to take a look. 99% of the pictures are of me but I'm hoping to get mountain pictures soon and pictures of just things in general. Like I want to get a picture of the store that has a sign reading "Liquor orthodontist dentist eyecare" all on one store building.

I don't know why but today is not a good day emotionally. I woke up feeling angry and sick and I stood in the shower crying while ripping my hair out. Then I stepped in a puddle and felt like punching a wall. and right now I'm running on 5 hours of sleep and I'm exhausted and sick to my stomach and I'm being forced to go out when all I want to do is lie in bed and cry until my body just can't anymore. I just know I'm gonna go out in public and break down and start crying and embarass myself. This is the first episode I've had in a long time and I'm scared that it's happening out here where I'm by myself and don't really have friends to fall to. You would think I'd have control of my depression by now but it still sneaks up on me.

My first day of training was yesterday and it was so boring. It was basically eight hours of signing paper work and listening to rules and expectations. The same stuff we've been hearing for all the application, interview, and hiring process. There's a jerkoff in my training class. He's from Illinois too which reaffirms my belief that almost all Illinois men are jerks or ignorant. He spent two days trying to get in my pants after meeting me for like 5 mins. Then when I said no he's like "well I didn't want to have to lower my standards anyways." Wtf? *bangs head on wall*

I'm so angry right now I'm probably going to get home and change and then just walk out and go walk as far away as I can. or probably jump off the balconey. but most likely not. This is crazy. I can't believe I still get like this. I really don't want to leave the house. I just want to sleep.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 23:37:28 GMT

oh em gee I still have a livejournal wtf.

So I'm living in colorado now which is pretty super cool. I love everything out here and it's pretty much the coolest place in the world. All of you who live in Illinois...

I'm sorry.

but anyways. I'm going to start updating this again so that people can see how I'm doing out here and see the progress I'm making out here. As of now I'm working at Echostar for 12$ a hour. once I start getting paychecks in I'm going to join a gym and start saving up for my own place and getting a car. I'm so excited I'm sure things are going to go good.

but yeah hopefully I'll have time to update this often. comment if you actually still read this and let me know if anyone does at all

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 05:25:13 GMT

those are my two costumes for halloween. Actually one is for the Rocky Horror Picture Show which I'm going to go see with my friends Derek and Sarah. Should be a good time.

Right now I'm feeling rather emo-tastic so I'm gonna go to bed. However everyone should take care and have a good day tomorrow

Survey and an update

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 02:40:09 GMT

1.Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

I'm pretty much gonna fail my first semester if college. if not fail I will scrape on by like a low grade and then promise myself to do better next semester. I honestly love school. I would much rather focus my day to school then work. However work consumes a good part of my life. and probably for a good reason. If I want to move on and possibly get my own place I should start saving now and working harder but it's killing me right now so although I will be poor I will probably get better grades. I told them to cut my hours back to 25 because I couldn't stand sleeping through all my classes and not doing well.

My cell phone is dead so don't bother calling it for a while. I'm hoping to go to the Verizon store later and ask them what the hell is up with my phone. It's like clicking at me and saying User Date is being Restored. I miss my cell phone ;___; It's my baby

I'm also in the market of looking for a different car. Mines starting to reach 'fubar'ed and it'd just be easier to get a new one as opposed as putting in the money to fix the window, bumper, tires, mirror, and I'll need to get things checked as winter approaches. *le sigh* Car means more money. more money means more work. more work means less sleep and poor grades. What a sick and twisted frame of life I'm stuck in.

I'm kinda hoping that I can get a job in Peoria so I can move there and go to school there since it'd be easier and kinda cheaper that way. If I get another job though it has to close at a decent time and not make people stay a hour after it closes. Why can't easy things just fall into my lap sometimes?

Okay enough pessimism. I'm actually feeling pretty good right at this time and moment. I have an amazing boyfriend who I love and my friends are just amazing. They always make me laugh and always have my back when things get tough. I want to thank everyone who's been listening to me whine and bitch about things when I was feeling crappy. I'm starting to perk up now and hopefully it'll just keep getting better. I'm actually gonna get some sleep. which is super exciting.

I dyed my hair blond. Like really blond

I love my little sister..

Umm...I think that's about it.

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:00:14 GMT

Everyone 13 and older must read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONES

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours(5min) of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back..........

Tag.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopscotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Skip-its.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies. (Annoying? NEVAH)

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King. (are you kidding I still do!)

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It."

But wait....

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about....

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.

My Brother and Me.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

Salute Your Shorts.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of All That.

Kenan & Kel.

The Magic School Bus.

Flash Forward.

Pete and Pete.

Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Hey Dude.

Dinosaurs.

Pinky and the Brain.

Blossom.

Hangin' With Mr. Copper.

Wishbone.

Bill-Nye the Science Guy.

Kablamm.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, The Facts of Life, & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

Or Nick Jr. with Face.

Gulah-Gulah Island.

Little Bear.

Under the Umbrella Tree.

The Busy World of Richard Scary.

The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys 'R' Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when.....

Argument's were only started when it came to who was gonna be the redranger.

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over.

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When Valentines Day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life.

When the summer lasted forever.

When time didn't matter.

These were the days we hadn't realized escaped us until it's all brought back.

Repost if these things mean something to you, and you get the personal images of when you were a kid

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 18:52:11 GMT

Alex-

I'm sorry. but I don't want to be together anymore. I really am sorry. I liked just chillin as friends. I just don't think it's going any further than when I graduate and all that jazz and I'd rather just not worry about it. I'm sorry.

-Jessie

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 00:45:15 GMT

Today's forecast is short tempered with a slight chance of impatience scattered through out the day.

Today was one of those days were I really should've just stayed in bed cuz I wasn't going to be nice to anyone. I've snapped at so many people today and I can't stand driving behind people today. My back hurts too.

Turnabout is Saturday and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna look bad but I should've tried harder on exercising so it's my problem.

*rips out spine and wraps around arm getting rid of all air bubbles*

ahhh that feels better.

I need to go to walmart too. I don't have time for this >__<

I'm cold and whiney

*whines*

However I did feel really good this weekend. I got to hang out with all of my friends and have fun with them all. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone saturday night <333

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 12:26:50 GMT

Hey yeah so to recap my week.

Thursday- I donated blood for the first time. I was fine until my blood sugar crashed. but once everything leveled out I felt fine. Then I went and saw my dad at the truck stop cuz I thought he wasnt gonna be home this weekend. but now he is home. so that's cool.

Friday- IT"S FRICKIN FREEZING. Gah I hate cold. but yeah I had C lunch which was awesome cuz it meant I got to sit with my friends and have fun talking to them. Then me and amy went to see a movie with andrew and alex. We were going to see curious george at first but we missed it so we went and saw Date Movie. It was ridiculously hilarious. I laughed so hard I was crying. Then ashton walked in and sat with us cuz she's awesome like that. I TOTALLY BEAT ALEX AT THE FIRST YELLOW LIGHT....Then he was ready and dominated me -____- so we took them home and then me and amy went to roanoke to look after my aunt's dogs.

Today I'm gonna try to find my japanese teacher and find a way to go visit her. I miss her so much ;___;

So basically over all everything is going along nicely. I had a very good Friday ^_____^

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 03:23:53 GMT

As much as I hate Valentine's day and truly don't wanna do anything tomorrow I was gonna get a few people something but I forgot so I apologize for my day lateness ^__^; patience please!
I turned in my application for Gamestop and I'm really freaking pumped. ^____^
I wanna work there so badly.
I hate cold. I hate frost on my car. It sucks at life.
HEY YOU KNOW WHAT KIDDOS
I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted. I just wanted to say basically I forgot to go to Kmart and get stuff. that's all. that's the only purpose of this entry. all that other stuff? Filler..to make me not feel so bad about making a pointless entry. Isn't that silly? It's so silly. I really hate tomorrow. I really do. I really just..would rather not..go at all. bed time now. later you crazy taters

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 02:05:38 GMT

I wanna have some candy
Ooh, bubble gum
I love you, boys
I wanna be your bubble gum
-Candy Girl, Bambee

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting
Those cats were as fast as lightning

-Kung Fu Fighting, Carl Douglas

Larry: "Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh,
where,
oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh,
where, oh,
where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?"

-Hair Brush Song, Larry the Cucumber

I’ll never leave, I’ll never stray.
My love for you will never change.
But I ain’t ready to make up.
We’ll get around to that.
I think I’m right, I think you’re wrong.
I’ll prob’ly give in before long.
Please don’t make me smile.
I just wanna be mad for a while.

-I just wanna be mad, Terri Clark

wake up all alone
sending postcards back to home...
on the road

if the medication works
could i be the way i was?
in control

you painted a picture
i'm the worst type of sinner...
you know

you painted a picture
happier than i can afford

nobody can save me
nobody can save me
nobody can say what i'll do if i'm alone

sign off
sign off
sign off
sign off
sign off (nobody can save me)
sign off
sign off (nobody can save me)
sign off

-Sign off, SugarCult

I just called to say I love you;
I just called to say how much I care;
I just called to say I love you,
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

-I Just Called To Say I love you, Stevie Wonder

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

-Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden

You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do

-My everything, 98 Degrees

now I can't fool anyone anymore
sleeping or waking, I'm repeating
'I CAN'

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can

-I think I can, The Pillows

Yeah I apologize. I was ridiculously bored today. I'm sorry if it eats your computers face alive.

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 05:10:25 GMT

So Today we celebrated Alex's birthday by first taking him to the mall and I got him the penny arcade book he's been wanting. Then I got those frickin shoes I've been saving up for and wanting for so long. I also visited Suncoast and had a good cry fest there. Then we continued over to Hot Topic where I picked up a pair of retainers for my ears so I can start wearing my hair up at work and be comfortable. So after we left the mall we picked up Mel and we all went to New Star Buffet. That was effin hilarious. The lady who served us was frickin sweet as can be and helped me crack open crab legs with a nut cracker and she was funny and really sweet so we gave her a huge tip. I had a salad fingers crab leg. and I know love crab legs and shrimp sooo much. After that we came to my apt and registered for Acen and played Clock Tower 3.

Alright so there's a part of the game where you're being chased by this hammer man bad guy. and you have to fight him with a bow and arrow. and I can't do it. I get too scared and I can't do it. So I hand the controller over to Mel who beat it in literally like 2 mins. I got pwnd.

So Alex liked the book I got him. which is good cuz I was afraid I wouldn't know what to get him or he wouldn't like what I did get.

I have to say though when I thought the cop was chasing me was the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. I honestly never wanna see another cop for as long as I live. I don't care. Never again

"Is this 98 degrees? It sounded like a stupid song"

xD I absolutely love that boy <3

Nothing will make me laugh harder than Mel's copying the Ron Weasley look alike. I have never fallen to my knees laughing so hard that many times.

Today was as good as I hoped it would be. Now I can't wait for my 4 day weekend.